KS3 · English

Writing a malevolent character

Which villain is scarier: the one a story announces in line one, or the one who brings you a lemon cake and keeps you guessing until the very last lines?

English · Writing fiction

Can you catch Mrs Vane before Tom does?

An invented three-paragraph piece about a villain who seems kind. Tap each underlined phrase to see what the writer is doing, and what the reader should feel.

Mrs Vane arrived on Sunday with a lemon cake still warm in its tin. The smell of sugar and zest filled Gran's kitchen before she had even taken off her gloves. "You must let me help," she purred, setting the tin down gently. Gran, who had once given her last biscuit to the postman, pressed a jar of plum jam into Mrs Vane's hands and thanked her twice. After that, Mrs Vane was everywhere. On Monday she was at the gate, asking when the roses would be judged. On Tuesday she was at the window, jotting something into a small black book. "What are you writing?" Tom asked. "Only how lovely your garden is, dear," she said brightly, and snapped the book closed. Her laugh slid shut like a drawer. Tom began to count how many questions she asked and how few she answered. On Saturday the letter came: Gran's roses had been struck off the show. Someone, it said, had told the committee that Gran bought them from a shop. Gran only laughed. Tom did not. Over the fence, Mrs Vane stood at her window with the black book open in her hand. For once she wasn't smiling. She was ticking something off a list.
Invented model text, written for this lesson

Paragraph 1 introduces the character. Paragraph 2 builds suspense. Paragraph 3 holds the reveal back until near the end.

Tap an underlined phrase. There are seven to find.

Reading “The smell of sugar and zest filled Gran's kitchen”

Sensory imagery that fits

What to notice

Smell is the sense that makes sense in a kitchen with a warm cake in it. Notice that the writer does not squeeze in taste, touch and sound as well.

Effect

The reader relaxes. It feels warm and welcoming, which is exactly why the later paragraphs unsettle.

Focused phrase “The smell of sugar and zest filled Gran's kitchen”. technique Sensory imagery that fits. Smell is the sense that makes sense in a kitchen with a warm cake in it. Notice that the writer does not squeeze in taste, touch and sound as well.. effect: The reader relaxes. It feels warm and welcoming, which is exactly why the later paragraphs unsettle.

Watch out: Look at what is missing. Nowhere does the piece say Mrs Vane is wicked. You catch her, and that is the point.

Your turn · Tell or show?

Catch the telling

Does each sentence tell the reader, or show them? Commit first, then read why.

Still to sort

Tells (0)

States in one straightforward sentence who a character is or how they feel.

Where the line is: If the sentence simply says it, there is nothing left for the reader to work out.

Shows (0)

Lets the reader work out the mood, emotions or character through description.

Where the line is: If you could point at a detail and say 'so he must be...', the sentence is showing.

8 of 8 still to sort.

A different invented villain this time: Mr Grist, who works at a school.

Watch out: A sentence can be short and plain and still be showing. Ask whether the reader has to work something out.

Before you plan

What is a success criteria really for?

Your teacher gives you a success criteria for a story about a malevolent character. It lists dialogue with effective verbs and adverbs, juxtaposition, sensory imagery, show not tell, and original similes and metaphors.

Which idea is closest to what you think right now?
How sure are you?

Your turn · Plan it, then write it

Plan your own villain

Plan a three-paragraph story about a malevolent character. Keep it mild: someone who lies or keeps a secret. Paragraph 1 introduces them, paragraph 2 builds suspense, and paragraph 3 reveals the malevolence near the end. Write a single paragraph outline for each paragraph: a full topic sentence, notes in between (include the vocabulary you plan to use), and a full concluding sentence. Then write your opening paragraph. [5 marks]

0 words · your answer stays on this page and is not sent anywhere.

After the first draft · Review it

Review a first draft

A pupil's first draft: Roland, a charming cousin who is hiding something. Invented for this lesson.

Roland arrived at the farm on Friday. The kitchen smelled of toast and furniture polish. "So good to meet you all," he gushed breathlessly. Roland was a bad person. Pip's mum poured the tea.

He kept turning his watch around his wrist, and his eyes slid to the door whenever she mentioned the greenhouse. His grin was a shop window: bright, glossy and empty behind the glass. "Fine, thanks," he said. Pip said nothing and watched.

Question 1 of 4

Highlight one example of showing rather than telling.

Tap the words in the passage that prove your answer.

WHAT YOU'VE LEARNED

A quick recap of today's lesson.

The villain is scarier when the reader catches them.

What you need to know

  • A success criteria is a guide to what your fiction could include, not a list of points that must all be used.
  • So choose carefully, and don't force in dialogue, juxtaposition or all five senses where they don't suit the writing.
  • Have a goDev's story has one character, alone, and nobody speaks. He says: "The criteria lists dialogue, so I'll bolt some in. Rules are rules." What do you tell Dev?

    Leave it out. A criteria is a guide, so a feature that doesn't suit the piece shouldn't be forced in.

    "Rules are rules" treats the criteria as a list that must all be used. It is a guide you choose from.

  • Showing means the reader works out the mood, emotions and character from description, not from one plain sentence saying so.
  • Have a goRewrite "Mr Orrin was mean." so the reader works it out. Jot down one thing he does or says, without using the word "mean".

    Any detail of what he does or says, such as flicking a lost glove into the bin without looking.

    Swapping in "cruel" would still tell. Showing needs a detail the reader can work out for themselves.

  • Similes and metaphors should be original: avoid cliches, the phrases everyone has heard time and time again.
  • Have a goWhich of these is the cliche: "as cunning as a fox", or "he folded every promise into a neat square and kept it in his pocket"?

    "As cunning as a fox".

    It is a phrase everyone has heard used time and time again. The other is fresher, and still gets across a sly character.

  • Sensory imagery should use only the senses that make sense for what you are describing, not all five.
  • In dialogue, effective verbs and adverbs show who is speaking, how they say it and a little more about them.
  • Juxtaposition contrasts a malevolent character with an innocent, kind or caring one, so it needs more than one character.
  • A three-paragraph piece can introduce the character, then build suspense, and only towards the end reveal the malevolence.
  • Have a goYour friend wants to announce in line one that the neighbour is secretly horrible, then spend two paragraphs proving it. Where should the reveal go instead?

    Towards the end, in paragraph three, once paragraph two has built suspense.

    Revealing it at the start gives it all away. The middle paragraph is for building suspense first.

  • Plan before you write: a single paragraph outline has a full topic sentence and concluding sentence, with notes between.
  • After a first draft, review and edit. Editing also means adding, changing or removing sentences, not only fixing spelling.

The big picture

You will learn to plan and write a short piece of fiction about a malevolent character, a villain who means harm (here, mild school-level villainy: someone who lies or keeps a secret). You will show their nature instead of announcing it, choose only the techniques that suit your piece, hold the reveal back until the end, and review your own draft.

Key points

1A success criteria is a guide to choose from, not a list where every point must be used.
2Show the reader mood, emotion and character through description rather than stating it in one plain sentence.
3Make similes and metaphors original, and use only the senses that make sense for what you describe.
4Use dialogue (with effective verbs and adverbs) and juxtaposition only where there are two or more characters to use them.
5Plan with a single paragraph outline, check the plan against three criteria, then review and edit your draft.

Worked example

Problem

Turn this tell into a show: "Miss Kettle, the librarian, was sly and unkind."

⚠ Watch out

Treating the success criteria as a tick-list and cramming everything in: dialogue with nobody to talk to, all five senses, a simile in every sentence. A guide is for choosing from.

🧠

Memory hook

Don't announce the villain. Let the reader catch them.

✓

Check yourself

Pick one sentence from your own story. Does it tell the reader who a character is, or leave them to work it out? If it tells, what could you describe instead?

Flashcards

(14)
What is a success criteria for?
It is a guide to what a piece of fiction could include, not a list of points that must all be used. A writer picks and chooses carefully.
Which features should you not force in?
Any feature that doesn't suit the writing, for example dialogue, juxtaposition or all five senses.
What does showing rather than telling mean?
Showing the reader the mood, emotions and things about characters through description, rather than stating in one straightforward sentence who a character is or how they feel.
What is a cliche?
A phrase everyone has heard used time and time again.
How can you fix an obvious simile?
Replace it with a less cliched one that still gets across how malicious the character is.
Which senses should sensory imagery use?
Only the senses that make sense for what is being described, rather than forcing in all five.
What do verbs and adverbs do in dialogue?
They tell us who is saying something, how they are saying it and a little bit more about them.
When should you leave dialogue out?
When there is no situation in which two characters might talk.
When can you use juxtaposition?
Only where there is more than one character to contrast, such as a malevolent character beside an innocent, kind or caring one.
How can a three-paragraph piece about a malevolent character be structured?
Introduce the character, build suspense, and only towards the end reveal the malevolence.
How is a single paragraph outline set out?
The topic sentence and the concluding sentence are in full. The supporting details between them (vocabulary, ideas, things to describe, techniques) are in note form.
What can a concluding sentence in an outline do?
Summarise the paragraph's main ideas and lead in to the next paragraph's topic sentence, so the paragraphs fit together.
What three key criteria do you check a plan against?
Does it include key vocabulary? Examples of figurative language? Examples of where you will show and not tell?
How do you self-assess a draft?
Reread it, highlight one example for each success-criteria point, annotate it, and explain the intended effect on the reader: what they should feel.

Tap any card to flip it, or use Study as deck to go through them one at a time. In the full lesson these run as a spaced-repetition deck — you rate each card Hard, Good or Easy and the tricky ones keep coming back until they stick.

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